I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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