Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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