Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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