haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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