why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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