Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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