tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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