should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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