everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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