I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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