I'm eating all of the evidence.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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