Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
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I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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