You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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