He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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