i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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