I wish I could punch you in the face.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Quick, to the slutcave!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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