you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my being single is dangerous.
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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