lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
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I looked at my own cervix.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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