Soap is not a condiment
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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