He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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