why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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