3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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