What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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