We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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