How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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