If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize