That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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