I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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