The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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