i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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