Non-Jews are for practice
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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