apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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