I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize