I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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