rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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