Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to rekindle our bromance
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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