I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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