how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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