blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize