I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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