Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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