i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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