Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize