Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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