i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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