I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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