Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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