I just gift wrapped bread.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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