I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize