shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize